Our language, words, and conversation is so second nature to us that we rarely pay attention to it. We don’t notice how we speak to ourselves and we don’t notice how we speak to others. More importantly rarely are we aware of the effect that our words have on both our own state of mind and others. In both the positive and negative sense of the word.
Have you ever had that conversation where someone remembers something that you said that offended them 5 years ago and you have no idea what they’re talking about? Or maybe a sentence that you said that you believed was meaningless but ended up having a powerful impact on someone else?
Our words are a concrete manifestation of what’s going on inside of us. They reveal, to others. all day every day how we feel about ourselves and how we live. We like to pretend that words don’t count, that they’re volatile, but they do. They affect people around you, but they – most importantly – affect you.
Negative self talk is a habit that so many of us have that we’re not aware of. Often we speak to ourselves in tones that we wouldn’t use with someone we didn’t like at all.
This is a continuation of a habit that began in infancy. We received input all day from people around us about how we “were”. “Why are you so…. talkative, clumsy, stupid. (fill in the blank with the judgement of choice)” After a while the mind starts to believe it. Why yes, we are so stupid. Why yes, we are so fat. Why yes, we never get anything right.
This constant conversation that we have with ourselves, on a daily basis, is one of the single greatest obstacles to us getting to where were want to be and what we want to do/have in the world. Instead of being our own life coach, we’re our own bully.
I’d like to invite you to do an experiment. Observe. Observe your language. Observe what you talk about. Observe how you talk about it. Do you try and see the positive side of things? Do you offer solutions? Do you complain? Do you berate yourself and others? Do you gossip out of jealousy? What kind of light are you in the world? One that shines and illuminates? Or one that struggles to turn on because its been in the dark for so long?
You don’t have to fix it now. That’s a long process. But notice it. Notice how you feed your fears every day. Notice the lies that you tell yourself about you. Ask yourself if you would talk to anyone else this way. Then apologize. Apologize to you. Apologize for not rooting yourself on. Apologize for trying to scare yourself stiff. And then change the conversation.
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