keythemes: ownership, responsibility, big picture, inner demons, the stories we tell ourselves, shadow work, release the beast, flip the script, objectivity, mind your mouth, accountability.
I want to tell you about my downstairs neighbor. She’s an attractive 40-something year old woman, an artist, an introvert, & apparently suffering from a very severe mental health situation. She spends almost all of her time alone. It was likely by choice at first, then because of her difficulty in interacting with others in a balanced way – she is prone to fits of rage, the likes of which I’ve never seen – eventually became imposed.
Her isolation has caused her to invent a very threatening world outside of her, that she is at the center of. In order to matter to someone, she believes that the whole world is purposely trying to make her suffer. As a result she stands on her balcony all day arbitrarily vomiting a dragon’s rage on anyone who passes. The guy who parks the car in front of her house is purposely asphyxiating her. The people who glance at the balcony while she screams are invading her privacy. The teenage girls who come home late laughing are trying to keep her up. In her world of total isolation, she has authored a situation wherein she’s actually the center of everyone else’s universe. Because the truth of the matter – that actually she is alone of her own doing & really none of those people are thinking about her – is too painful to face.
I know I’ve written about this before – I think in my Functional Alibis article – but I believe this theme is at the heart of this moment. The tug of war between extremes of hyper-personalising the facts opposing the ability to detach & see things from a higher perspective. To basically have the balls to look at the situation for what it is & say “Oh shit…I’m the reason I’m in this situation”
So the energy right now is really, really, really fucking rough. That inner dragon, “hurl venom at the world” energy is present in all of us right now. You may find yourself swinging from one extreme to another. I myself woke up at 5AM thinking of ways to blow up a situation I’ve been nurturing into growth for months. Eclipse energy will make you feel like you have a Mack truck heading for you at full speed & you have to do something to survive. The unfortunate answer I have to give is that with 7 planets retrograde (when Uranus goes next week) & 2 eclipses to get through, my advice is to make no lasting choices right now. The dust is not done being kicked up & in order to make wise decisions, the dust must first settle.
But great, you say, that doesn’t help me through this maelstrom. Correct. So my suggestion is to find a safe space where you can let your inner dragon go. Lock yourself in your bedroom & scream into cushions, book space at those rage rooms, go for a very exhausting run, shadow box, write letters that are never meant to be sent & read them aloud with feeling, say every horrible thing you need to say – but not to that person – out loud to yourself. Do whatever you need to in order for the energy to pass through you.
Then – here’s the hard part – I want you to take the longest, hardest look in the mirror. Because what’s upsetting you about the outside world is actually something you are projecting about yourself – an internal situation that your subconscious has created outside. So wherever you are “the victim” I want you to assume that you have authored the position you’re in. If you’re accusing someone of indecision, it’s likely that you’re undecided. If you’re accusing someone of not telling the whole truth, it’s likely that you’ve been hiding something. If you’re accusing someone of not respecting your position, it’s likely that you don’t respect your position. The more you are willing to be honest with yourself about these things, the less brutal these eclipses are going to feel. It’s liberating discovering that the situation that bothers you is actually of your own doing – because the only person who has the power to correct it…is you.
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