The aha moment. The second illumination strikes. The moment of clarity. Innovation. Discovery. Revolution. The moment when everything shifts.
I was talking once to a very brilliant neuroscientist named Dr. Beau Lotto & he said that, actually, this “a-ha moment” was a fallacy. That it’s more like putting together a puzzle. You lay down one piece, you add another, & another, & another and then with one more piece it becomes clear what’s being built. You didn’t have the whole idea in that one second, it’s been slowly building over time.
The same can be said for social revolution – changes in culture are like trying to turn a gigantic cruise ship. It is not possible to just whip it around. There are undercurrents you have to keep in mind, there are steering abilities, there are external conditions, and internal construction. Shifting paths is not a fast process. It may not be difficult, but it’s not immediate.
So it is with our own personal development. We may have seen the trajectory where we need to go, but we may also be frustrated with the speed at which it unfolds. Particularly around the holidays.
Many of us will join our families for the holidays. Families are ecosystems that have very specific dynamics which took years to develop & sediment. In our own lives, at home, we may be very proud of the progress we’ve made. We may realize how strong we’ve become or where we know we need to work more. Then we go home & it’s a trigger fest. Only your family knows how to jump on “those” nerves.
The holidays can bring multiple forms of emotional hangovers. Some form of “why do I/they/he/she always act like that”. You can feel like you spend the whole year taking steps forward and then a whole bunch of steps back at the holidays.
If some situation, or old behavior you thought you had conquered, comes out to rear its ugly head or your meditation can’t keep you from freaking out when your mom goes “there” – do not jump to the conclusion that all is lost. That you’ll never be able to change. That you’re still the same person you always were. There is no aha moment in personal development. There is clarity and then process. There is time and consistency. There is observation and correction.
I’m going to be discussing guilt this week, because it’s one of the dynamics that comes out a lot when we reunite with our family. At some point there’s usually one round of the blame game. Guilt, in all of its forms, whether it comes from you or comes from them, is personal power poison.
In the meantime, enjoy everything. The fun & the bullshit. Try not to get sucked back into old habits and if you do just laugh & shake it off. There’s lots of pieces of the puzzle left to put together.
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